It has been a while since I wrote anything. I sit here wondering why that is. I think it may be because I am entering a new phase of healing. There is less focus on "being ticked off" and more focus on just relating to life. This is nice forward motion.
With this forward motion brings the reality of multiple things. There is the reality that many tasks and "to do's" in my life were on hold for months while I was acutely ill and in the first few months of treatment. Now I am back at work and it takes all of my energy to do what needs to be done in the day. There hasn't been any time or energy to deal with what didn't happen both at home and at work. This is a difficult pill to swallow...more difficult than the piles of pills on my counter top that now get ingested with ease.
Then there is the reality of this new phase of feeling "between." I haven't yet found a good word for this stage yet. I think the best analogy is to the flu. When you are in the grips of the flu with a high fever and inability to get out of bed, you don't really notice what isn't getting done in your life. You don't even mind laying in bed. Once the fever breaks and you start to come back to earth you think you can get up and do what is on "the list." Quickly you realize that you are not sick enough to be in bed, nor are you well enough to return to "business as usual." You have to pace yourself and accept what isn't getting done and do what you can.
This is precisely the phase I am in. The major difference between recovering from the flu and recovering from Chronic Lyme Disease is that you know that the flu is short term. Recovery from Lyme will happen - I am sure of that now - but how long it will take is completely unknown. I guess it is still short term when one looks at an entire life span. Some days I accept this. And some days it feels like eternity and I can't even spell the word acceptance. The "between" stage between illness and wellness seems like being suspended in limbo indefinitely.
Today seems to be one of acceptance and for that I am grateful.
With this forward motion brings the reality of multiple things. There is the reality that many tasks and "to do's" in my life were on hold for months while I was acutely ill and in the first few months of treatment. Now I am back at work and it takes all of my energy to do what needs to be done in the day. There hasn't been any time or energy to deal with what didn't happen both at home and at work. This is a difficult pill to swallow...more difficult than the piles of pills on my counter top that now get ingested with ease.
Then there is the reality of this new phase of feeling "between." I haven't yet found a good word for this stage yet. I think the best analogy is to the flu. When you are in the grips of the flu with a high fever and inability to get out of bed, you don't really notice what isn't getting done in your life. You don't even mind laying in bed. Once the fever breaks and you start to come back to earth you think you can get up and do what is on "the list." Quickly you realize that you are not sick enough to be in bed, nor are you well enough to return to "business as usual." You have to pace yourself and accept what isn't getting done and do what you can.
This is precisely the phase I am in. The major difference between recovering from the flu and recovering from Chronic Lyme Disease is that you know that the flu is short term. Recovery from Lyme will happen - I am sure of that now - but how long it will take is completely unknown. I guess it is still short term when one looks at an entire life span. Some days I accept this. And some days it feels like eternity and I can't even spell the word acceptance. The "between" stage between illness and wellness seems like being suspended in limbo indefinitely.
Today seems to be one of acceptance and for that I am grateful.
In college, my roommates called the day between Sunday and Monday, (because we NEEDED one more day each week), "Blurrday"...maybe that's where you are. It was a good day. A day to get ready for a new week, relax a little, get a few chores done, and by all means sleep as needed. It was a day for possibilities, and as we know, the universe is full of possibilities. Take care. The nicest thing about Blurrday, is that you can skip right to Monday as soon as you are ready, and nobody even knows you were not there all along.
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