Getting older is an interesting thing. As we age it seems that there are more and more people around us going through very challenging life situations. People get cancer or other severe illness, spouses die, children die, parents die, loved ones go to jail, people get divorced, dreams change, careers change, etc. etc. World order and the economy are constantly on the verge of disaster. And yet the sun still rises, children laugh, and the day begins. I am contemplating today how to live in reality and also be more joyful and present with what is.
My neighbor has stage 4 ovarian cancer. Her husband has had one leg amputated (and still rides his bike to work). Before she shaved her long hippy locks she had a mohawk for about a day. Then she covered her head in henna designs. She is a vibrant, amazing lady. We were sitting on the swing in my front yard discussing our current treatment regimens and how we were faring. She made a comment that has really stuck with me. I believe I had said something about how it was hard to stay positive on the really hard days but we just had to keep putting one foot in front of the other. She mentioned that even though she and her husband have many challenges there would be so many people in the world ready to trade places with them. This really made me think. At least I have food, a shelter and I am not being shot at or living in fear every moment.
Yesterday I had a beautiful conversation with a lovely cat kennel customer who I adore. I have known him for about 10 years. He is a retired teacher and a very sweet man. I have always enjoyed chatting with he and his wife. When he said hello to me yesterday I didn't recognize him because he no longer had the beard that he had adorned his face for 40 years. But he still had his smile and positive attitude. He talked about how well he was -- other than the neuropathy in his hands, the fatigue and the impending stem cell transplant. He is walking everyday, eating well and remembering that the outcome is really not in his hands so all he can do is be okay today. We also talked about how hard it is on his wife. She is trying to hold everything together, be strong and do everything in the household that he once did. It is breaking her down and that is hard for him to watch. I could really relate to this. I have watched Terry doing the same thing for the last few months.
He asked a lot about Lyme Disease and the treatment I am going through. He had seen the movie Under Our Skin so he was familiar with the controversy about diagnosis and treatment. He also had two family members from Pennsylvania that had Lyme Disease. I told him about how I had the opportunity to take another test and if it was positive it would give me the validity to be able to shout from the rooftops about what I have been through the last 16 years. I think the reason I have the urge to do this is to educate the more conventional medical community about how important it is to thoroughly investigate why someone is sick and not just treat the symptoms. Lyme Disease is treatable. Ignoring it and not listening to the people with chronic cases is really not the answer. I get riled up just thinking about this!
All of this contemplating is good for me. Life can seem hard and harsh. It is also perfect and beautiful.
This last week was very hard for me emotionally and physically. I have been in lots of pain and my emotions were all over the map. Some days I have coped better than others. I can see how I need to be gentler on myself and remember all that is there to nurture myself. This is easier to do when the bacteria are not dying off in the brain and making me feel crazy!
Somehow I got through the week and so did my family. We took time this weekend to go to Fall Creek and also to the Coast. I spent time in my new hammock and in the garden. I went on walks and noticed that despite the physical "yucks" this week, I am still getting stronger. A kennel customer commented that I have always had dark circles under my eyes and now they were gone. I looked in the mirror and saw this to be true. Wow! I think I had forgotten what my face looked like without them.
Today is the start of a new week. May I accept what is challenging, notice beauty and be gentle on myself and those around me.
My neighbor has stage 4 ovarian cancer. Her husband has had one leg amputated (and still rides his bike to work). Before she shaved her long hippy locks she had a mohawk for about a day. Then she covered her head in henna designs. She is a vibrant, amazing lady. We were sitting on the swing in my front yard discussing our current treatment regimens and how we were faring. She made a comment that has really stuck with me. I believe I had said something about how it was hard to stay positive on the really hard days but we just had to keep putting one foot in front of the other. She mentioned that even though she and her husband have many challenges there would be so many people in the world ready to trade places with them. This really made me think. At least I have food, a shelter and I am not being shot at or living in fear every moment.
Yesterday I had a beautiful conversation with a lovely cat kennel customer who I adore. I have known him for about 10 years. He is a retired teacher and a very sweet man. I have always enjoyed chatting with he and his wife. When he said hello to me yesterday I didn't recognize him because he no longer had the beard that he had adorned his face for 40 years. But he still had his smile and positive attitude. He talked about how well he was -- other than the neuropathy in his hands, the fatigue and the impending stem cell transplant. He is walking everyday, eating well and remembering that the outcome is really not in his hands so all he can do is be okay today. We also talked about how hard it is on his wife. She is trying to hold everything together, be strong and do everything in the household that he once did. It is breaking her down and that is hard for him to watch. I could really relate to this. I have watched Terry doing the same thing for the last few months.
He asked a lot about Lyme Disease and the treatment I am going through. He had seen the movie Under Our Skin so he was familiar with the controversy about diagnosis and treatment. He also had two family members from Pennsylvania that had Lyme Disease. I told him about how I had the opportunity to take another test and if it was positive it would give me the validity to be able to shout from the rooftops about what I have been through the last 16 years. I think the reason I have the urge to do this is to educate the more conventional medical community about how important it is to thoroughly investigate why someone is sick and not just treat the symptoms. Lyme Disease is treatable. Ignoring it and not listening to the people with chronic cases is really not the answer. I get riled up just thinking about this!
All of this contemplating is good for me. Life can seem hard and harsh. It is also perfect and beautiful.
This last week was very hard for me emotionally and physically. I have been in lots of pain and my emotions were all over the map. Some days I have coped better than others. I can see how I need to be gentler on myself and remember all that is there to nurture myself. This is easier to do when the bacteria are not dying off in the brain and making me feel crazy!
Somehow I got through the week and so did my family. We took time this weekend to go to Fall Creek and also to the Coast. I spent time in my new hammock and in the garden. I went on walks and noticed that despite the physical "yucks" this week, I am still getting stronger. A kennel customer commented that I have always had dark circles under my eyes and now they were gone. I looked in the mirror and saw this to be true. Wow! I think I had forgotten what my face looked like without them.
Today is the start of a new week. May I accept what is challenging, notice beauty and be gentle on myself and those around me.
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