There is an interesting dynamic in Lyme treatment, as is probably true in treatment of many illnesses. You work really hard to get stronger and feel better only to increase medication to fight the disease and then subsequently feel sick again. I have become accustomed to this but sometimes it hits harder than others.
This week was a perfect example. I got so sick from increasing my medication 4 times in 2 weeks that I had to take a week off from any dose change. I could feel my body, mind and emotions gain strength and stability every day. I was accomplishing more at work, having better memory and generally a brighter attitude. I even went swimming twice and went to a yoga class in addition to daily walks. My muscles were sore afterwards but the body didn't have a systemic break-down like I have in the past after exercising.
I spoke to my mother on Thursday after having swam about 40 yards front crawl at the pool and using the kick board for about 20 minutes. I haven't done this in years! I really felt on top of the world. I was bragging about all of my accomplishments when she spoke the truth, "You are feeling too good. It sounds like it is time to increase your dose again." CRAP! She was right and I knew it.
I went to my medication counter and did the typical routine. I prayed that all would be well and that the reaction would be minimal. The reaction could have been worse but it still was no fun. In about one hour it was as if a truck ran over me. Every muscle in my whole body hurt, my head was splitting and I felt like I was on the verge of tears. CRAP!
Really this was something to celebrate. I had gotten some much oxygen to my muscles that the bacteria were vulnerable. When I increased the medication dose it was enough to make them die. Yippy. It just really takes the wind out of your sails to plummet so far so fast. Everything was hard again. I knew it was for a purpose, but again it didn't make it easier in the moment.
The next morning I over-slept because I had stayed up too late numbing my brain watching mindless things on the computer. I was just about to get in the shower after a oh-too-short sauna when I got a call from my mother with news about a family member that was difficult to hear. I hung up the phone and proceeded to crumple. There has been so much intensity in our lives with my illness, and then my daughter's father having to leave the state for some undetermined amount of time and now this. Really I felt like I was being smothered and couldn't catch my breath. I decided there was only one thing to do. Go back to bed and watch Netflix.
Today has not been much better. Mercury in retrograde has made communication just awful. I was supposed to spend my morning in the country sipping tea with a dear friend but due to over-reaction and miscommunication I ended up....you guessed it...back in bed with the computer. This time it was Hulu.
I recognize my wallowing isn't helping. I just took my medicine and don't feel as if I am going to die. I am hoping to go on a walk. Yesterday's didn't go so well, ending in a crushing headache. But today is a new day. I can smell the yummy food on the stove. The sky is beautiful and the air is blowing in the kitchen smelling sweetly. My dear friends are back from a summer in Turkey and Italy. I look forward to seeing them. I know some chores will get done tomorrow. Certainly not everything. I need to remind myself that just because I can't get them all accomplished isn't a reason to not to do something. This is an ongoing lesson for me.
It is time to make a shift. As I remind my daughter when she is in a funk about very real things...stick to the facts. I got stronger and had a really good week. The last 2 1/2 days have been hard because the bacteria are dying and it effects the body/mind. I am starting to feel a little better and that will continue. Underneath these yucky feelings there is healing that is taking place and a body that is getting stronger.
Tonight can be a new beginning and tomorrow is a new day.
This week was a perfect example. I got so sick from increasing my medication 4 times in 2 weeks that I had to take a week off from any dose change. I could feel my body, mind and emotions gain strength and stability every day. I was accomplishing more at work, having better memory and generally a brighter attitude. I even went swimming twice and went to a yoga class in addition to daily walks. My muscles were sore afterwards but the body didn't have a systemic break-down like I have in the past after exercising.
I spoke to my mother on Thursday after having swam about 40 yards front crawl at the pool and using the kick board for about 20 minutes. I haven't done this in years! I really felt on top of the world. I was bragging about all of my accomplishments when she spoke the truth, "You are feeling too good. It sounds like it is time to increase your dose again." CRAP! She was right and I knew it.
I went to my medication counter and did the typical routine. I prayed that all would be well and that the reaction would be minimal. The reaction could have been worse but it still was no fun. In about one hour it was as if a truck ran over me. Every muscle in my whole body hurt, my head was splitting and I felt like I was on the verge of tears. CRAP!
Really this was something to celebrate. I had gotten some much oxygen to my muscles that the bacteria were vulnerable. When I increased the medication dose it was enough to make them die. Yippy. It just really takes the wind out of your sails to plummet so far so fast. Everything was hard again. I knew it was for a purpose, but again it didn't make it easier in the moment.
The next morning I over-slept because I had stayed up too late numbing my brain watching mindless things on the computer. I was just about to get in the shower after a oh-too-short sauna when I got a call from my mother with news about a family member that was difficult to hear. I hung up the phone and proceeded to crumple. There has been so much intensity in our lives with my illness, and then my daughter's father having to leave the state for some undetermined amount of time and now this. Really I felt like I was being smothered and couldn't catch my breath. I decided there was only one thing to do. Go back to bed and watch Netflix.
Today has not been much better. Mercury in retrograde has made communication just awful. I was supposed to spend my morning in the country sipping tea with a dear friend but due to over-reaction and miscommunication I ended up....you guessed it...back in bed with the computer. This time it was Hulu.
I recognize my wallowing isn't helping. I just took my medicine and don't feel as if I am going to die. I am hoping to go on a walk. Yesterday's didn't go so well, ending in a crushing headache. But today is a new day. I can smell the yummy food on the stove. The sky is beautiful and the air is blowing in the kitchen smelling sweetly. My dear friends are back from a summer in Turkey and Italy. I look forward to seeing them. I know some chores will get done tomorrow. Certainly not everything. I need to remind myself that just because I can't get them all accomplished isn't a reason to not to do something. This is an ongoing lesson for me.
It is time to make a shift. As I remind my daughter when she is in a funk about very real things...stick to the facts. I got stronger and had a really good week. The last 2 1/2 days have been hard because the bacteria are dying and it effects the body/mind. I am starting to feel a little better and that will continue. Underneath these yucky feelings there is healing that is taking place and a body that is getting stronger.
Tonight can be a new beginning and tomorrow is a new day.
No comments:
Post a Comment