This process of healing the body has definitely brought with it an increased awareness of all of it's functions. I feel like I am noticing subtle changes and patterns. With that noticing I am learning to accept what is happening and let go of some of the need to control everything. One gets more objective about life and then the hopelessness naturally decreases. It is quite a beautiful process.
In addition to the "noticing," this process of reflecting and writing is also incredibly healing. It is a chance to get clear about what is happening. From the clarity comes a sense of space. And in that space there is room for other things --- like hearing the birds, seeing the beautiful flowers and just feeling joyful for no reason.
Here is a bit of my contemplation of "noticing" yesterday morning:
I am noticing that I really am getting stronger! If I increase my Samento and Banderol on Thursday night, I feel like crap through Saturday, but I am feeling like myself again on Sunday. The time of being "sick" is getting less. And the time and feeling stronger and more alive is increasing. (An additional note...felt lousy again by Monday afternoon for no apparent reason and still with headache today. Oh well.)
I am noticing that my adrenals are no longer completely "exhausted." I don't need as much medication to wake them up anymore. And if I do take too much of a "boost" then I end up in the bathroom every 15 minutes. One tincture has been retired! This really is a momentous occasion.
I am noticing how tied in my emotional lability and various psychological neurosis are to my medication increases and subsequent die-off of the Lyme bacteria. It makes me think that all these years when I was going through "spells" it was really a flare of the Lyme Disease. For the first time in my life I feel like there is hope that I will have more steady emotions and not go through bouts of depression and anger that ravage not only myself, but also my family.
I am noticing that after days of the little buggers dying, my body feels stiff. On Sunday I could feel it in my back. It felt like toxic sludge. Some soaking in the hot tub, exercise and/or stretching seems to get it moving and the symptoms go away. It is really incredible to be able to relieve stiffness, toxic muscles and pain. At least for the last 10 years I have felt trapped by these symptoms. They have held me hostage whenever the wanted to. Now I can see them and most of the time help the shift to occur. Amazing!
I am noticing that as long as I haven't increased my medication dose, exercise actually feels good! I may be a little sore the next day in isolated spots, but I am not in massive pain everywhere. I also maintain a decent energy level the day after exercise. This is really a major milestone! If I increase my medication doses all of the "old patterns" return. On Thursday night this was so clear. I felt a little sore from yoga and swimming, but it was isolated. About an hour after I took my medicine it was as if a truck ran me down (repeatedly) and everything hurt. Being able to see this pattern so clearly - and know there is a pattern - brings tremendous relief!
I am noticing that the headaches are mild to non-existent unless I increase my medication. Then they return with a vengeance. Again, seeing the pattern helps brings tremendous relief!
I am noticing that I am moving through this with grace (most of the time). Each week I think the hard days get a little less hard and the good days are much better. Whew!
In addition to the "noticing," this process of reflecting and writing is also incredibly healing. It is a chance to get clear about what is happening. From the clarity comes a sense of space. And in that space there is room for other things --- like hearing the birds, seeing the beautiful flowers and just feeling joyful for no reason.
Here is a bit of my contemplation of "noticing" yesterday morning:
I am noticing that I really am getting stronger! If I increase my Samento and Banderol on Thursday night, I feel like crap through Saturday, but I am feeling like myself again on Sunday. The time of being "sick" is getting less. And the time and feeling stronger and more alive is increasing. (An additional note...felt lousy again by Monday afternoon for no apparent reason and still with headache today. Oh well.)
I am noticing that my adrenals are no longer completely "exhausted." I don't need as much medication to wake them up anymore. And if I do take too much of a "boost" then I end up in the bathroom every 15 minutes. One tincture has been retired! This really is a momentous occasion.
I am noticing how tied in my emotional lability and various psychological neurosis are to my medication increases and subsequent die-off of the Lyme bacteria. It makes me think that all these years when I was going through "spells" it was really a flare of the Lyme Disease. For the first time in my life I feel like there is hope that I will have more steady emotions and not go through bouts of depression and anger that ravage not only myself, but also my family.
I am noticing that after days of the little buggers dying, my body feels stiff. On Sunday I could feel it in my back. It felt like toxic sludge. Some soaking in the hot tub, exercise and/or stretching seems to get it moving and the symptoms go away. It is really incredible to be able to relieve stiffness, toxic muscles and pain. At least for the last 10 years I have felt trapped by these symptoms. They have held me hostage whenever the wanted to. Now I can see them and most of the time help the shift to occur. Amazing!
I am noticing that as long as I haven't increased my medication dose, exercise actually feels good! I may be a little sore the next day in isolated spots, but I am not in massive pain everywhere. I also maintain a decent energy level the day after exercise. This is really a major milestone! If I increase my medication doses all of the "old patterns" return. On Thursday night this was so clear. I felt a little sore from yoga and swimming, but it was isolated. About an hour after I took my medicine it was as if a truck ran me down (repeatedly) and everything hurt. Being able to see this pattern so clearly - and know there is a pattern - brings tremendous relief!
I am noticing that the headaches are mild to non-existent unless I increase my medication. Then they return with a vengeance. Again, seeing the pattern helps brings tremendous relief!
I am noticing that I am moving through this with grace (most of the time). Each week I think the hard days get a little less hard and the good days are much better. Whew!
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