Ticked Off! ..... and finally writing

Ticked Off! That is really what I am feeling right now. I could go on for hours about why I am ticked off about living with Chronic Lyme Disease for the last 16 years without any sincere help by countless medical professionals.  Instead I am going to focus on how I can share my story in a way that both educates and inspires others.

I want to focus on how I am going to be well and I am going to beat this pain in the ass (really pain in the everything) disease. I have lived with ridiculous amounts of fatigue, pain, instability and emotional anguish for far too long. It really is time to get well. I am going to just keep saying it, keeping believing it, keep imagining it until it happens.

I am nearing my 37^th birthday. One would think I should be generally healthy and not “over the hill” yet. The truth is I can’t imagine 5 more years in this body, let alone another 50. I have been sick since just before my 21^st birthday. I have vague memories of being strong enough to swim for hours in the pool or dance all night. I know it is possible. I just wish I could remember what it felt like. It feels like too long ago. I just keep telling myself that it doesn’t matter what it felt like because pretty soon I will be stronger and wiser than I ever was before. Time to take this “ticked off” energy and channel it into my mission. First it was “Operation get Faith stronger” in order to be well enough to even withstand the Lyme Disease treatment. Now we are into the next phase of the mission, “Operation kill the little bastards” (referring to the Lyme bacteria in case you were concerned).

I like to imagine the bacteria dying and being gently escorted out of my system like debris floating down a river. This image is a little less violent than the above operation title. I know how important this imagery is. I have to trust and believe that this body has the strength, power and wisdom to do what needs to be done to achieve optimum health. Just like in childbirth a woman has to trust the wisdom of her body, I too have trust the wisdom of my body.

How to trust a body that feels as if it has failed you for almost half of your life? I honestly can’t answer that question. I think I am in the phase of “fake it and make it.” I must believe with every ounce of my being that this treatment, these medical professionals, these therapies are exactly what I need in this moment and they will work to eradicate this disease from my body. And if I don’t believe it fully I will just keep faking it until I do. I feel like I know longer have a choice. The disease has backed me into a corner and I have finally come out fighting!