I have often found it easy to see what is not done or what I could do better. This perfectionism which leads to self-flagellation is really no longer serving me. And inevitably once we get tired of beating ourselves up with words and thoughts we turn that negative attention outward towards our loved ones.
It am ready for a change in this oh-so-old behavior patten. It is time to celebrate the improvements even when they seem ever so small.
1. I HAVE ENERGY! I no longer have to take a nap in the morning. (This is a huge accomplishment!) I used to get up, shower, do my morning meditation/prayers, take medicine, make lunches and get my daughter off to school and then I would have to lay back down for 2 hours. Now I can make it until about 2:30 p.m. without collapsing into the heated bed.
2. MY MEMORY EXISTS! My memory seems to be getting better. I am still very forgetful but at least I am not routinely forgetting what I am saying mid-sentence. There was a funny lapse of memory yesterday that is worth repeating. I had bought a container or lettuce and spinach starts at Down to Earth. I asked my daughter to get them out of the car. I couldn't remember the name "plant starts" and instead said "earthy growy things." At least I made her laugh. I find comfort in knowing my lack of memory and choice of words can be of social service to others.
3. THERE IS SPACE IN MY HEAD FOR THOUGHTS! I no longer have a crushing headache 24 hours a day that fills every corner of the head with pain leaving no space for any thinking or functioning capacity.
4. NO MORE HERXING! I don't have a fever and flu-symptoms when I take my medicine.
5. THE BACTERIA IS DYING! When I increase my dose of medication the pain is not so bad that I have to be in bed for 2 days.
6. GETTING STRONGER! I can walk to the end of the street (most days) without feeling like I need a wheelchair ride back. Next step -- a yoga class.
7. MOVING FORWARD AND SEEING IT! People see me and say, "You look so much better." At first I wanted to respond by saying, "But I feel like shit." Now I can see that I am better in many ways.
8. CALM! This week I am not having panic attacks that last all day.
9. PINK SKIN (or at least my normal olive skin tone)! My skin color is not so pale that it makes people want to call 911.
10. STRENGTH IN CONSTITUTION! I can stay upright for more than 2 hours without feeling like I am going to faint.
11. FIERY! I have enough energy to actually get mad and fired up about something (sometimes).
12. GARDENING! I can weed the garden for a few minutes before my thighs start to protest.
13. THE MEDICATION IS WORKING! I have pain in my body and a worsening of symptoms sometimes in relation to my medication dose, which shows it is working and the Lyme bacteria are dying.
14. SURFER GIRL! Instead of focusing of having nightmares about being sick the rest of my life I am visualizing being strong enough to paddle out into the ocean and ride a wave! Look out world...Faith's gonna be a surfer girl!
15. PHYSICALLY STRONG! I have a physical goal to work towards and I am extremely excited about it! I am going to cut out pictures of female surfers and post them everywhere just in case I get discouraged.
16. WORKING! I actually work 40-45 hours a week between my job as a nurse and a kitty kennel owner. I am tired in the evenings but not feeling near death.
17. GETTING PAID! Working my regular schedule = earning my regular pay. This means I won't cry when I see my bank balance at the beginning of the month.
18. I AM HEALING! EVERY DAY IS A STEP FORWARD!
I decided to SHOUT my accomplishments. (I have been reminded of how fun this is from watching the Italian baker family on Cake Boss. Netflix in the afternoon is how I distract myself when I feel icky.) Why not shout? I'm half Italian so I have the right to shout as much as I want, even about the good stuff. Hmmm. Now I am imagining climbing to the top of a mountain SHOUTING about how strong and healthy I am. This is a lot more fun then getting out the bat to beat on oneself! I will continue to make the conscious effort to retire the bat and keep it in retirement. It's about time!
It am ready for a change in this oh-so-old behavior patten. It is time to celebrate the improvements even when they seem ever so small.
1. I HAVE ENERGY! I no longer have to take a nap in the morning. (This is a huge accomplishment!) I used to get up, shower, do my morning meditation/prayers, take medicine, make lunches and get my daughter off to school and then I would have to lay back down for 2 hours. Now I can make it until about 2:30 p.m. without collapsing into the heated bed.
2. MY MEMORY EXISTS! My memory seems to be getting better. I am still very forgetful but at least I am not routinely forgetting what I am saying mid-sentence. There was a funny lapse of memory yesterday that is worth repeating. I had bought a container or lettuce and spinach starts at Down to Earth. I asked my daughter to get them out of the car. I couldn't remember the name "plant starts" and instead said "earthy growy things." At least I made her laugh. I find comfort in knowing my lack of memory and choice of words can be of social service to others.
3. THERE IS SPACE IN MY HEAD FOR THOUGHTS! I no longer have a crushing headache 24 hours a day that fills every corner of the head with pain leaving no space for any thinking or functioning capacity.
4. NO MORE HERXING! I don't have a fever and flu-symptoms when I take my medicine.
5. THE BACTERIA IS DYING! When I increase my dose of medication the pain is not so bad that I have to be in bed for 2 days.
6. GETTING STRONGER! I can walk to the end of the street (most days) without feeling like I need a wheelchair ride back. Next step -- a yoga class.
7. MOVING FORWARD AND SEEING IT! People see me and say, "You look so much better." At first I wanted to respond by saying, "But I feel like shit." Now I can see that I am better in many ways.
8. CALM! This week I am not having panic attacks that last all day.
9. PINK SKIN (or at least my normal olive skin tone)! My skin color is not so pale that it makes people want to call 911.
10. STRENGTH IN CONSTITUTION! I can stay upright for more than 2 hours without feeling like I am going to faint.
11. FIERY! I have enough energy to actually get mad and fired up about something (sometimes).
12. GARDENING! I can weed the garden for a few minutes before my thighs start to protest.
13. THE MEDICATION IS WORKING! I have pain in my body and a worsening of symptoms sometimes in relation to my medication dose, which shows it is working and the Lyme bacteria are dying.
14. SURFER GIRL! Instead of focusing of having nightmares about being sick the rest of my life I am visualizing being strong enough to paddle out into the ocean and ride a wave! Look out world...Faith's gonna be a surfer girl!
15. PHYSICALLY STRONG! I have a physical goal to work towards and I am extremely excited about it! I am going to cut out pictures of female surfers and post them everywhere just in case I get discouraged.
16. WORKING! I actually work 40-45 hours a week between my job as a nurse and a kitty kennel owner. I am tired in the evenings but not feeling near death.
17. GETTING PAID! Working my regular schedule = earning my regular pay. This means I won't cry when I see my bank balance at the beginning of the month.
18. I AM HEALING! EVERY DAY IS A STEP FORWARD!
I decided to SHOUT my accomplishments. (I have been reminded of how fun this is from watching the Italian baker family on Cake Boss. Netflix in the afternoon is how I distract myself when I feel icky.) Why not shout? I'm half Italian so I have the right to shout as much as I want, even about the good stuff. Hmmm. Now I am imagining climbing to the top of a mountain SHOUTING about how strong and healthy I am. This is a lot more fun then getting out the bat to beat on oneself! I will continue to make the conscious effort to retire the bat and keep it in retirement. It's about time!
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