It's time to fall. The days are getting shorter. I awake into a dark crisp morning followed by the sounds of geese on the move. There is a knowing it will be warm and sunny in a few hours, but for now I breathe in the cold crisp air and enjoy the sounds of fall. The garden is tired from all the heat and the the trees are about to let go of their leaves. All this letting go is necessary to survive the cool darkness of winter so they can sprout and flourish again in the spring and summer.
Letting go now so one can flourish later --- that is exactly where I am at. I have been forced to see that I have to surrender to this process and trust that it will be okay in the end. That I will be swimming and even surfing someday. Those goals seem much further away then they once did. Somehow though I have to keep trusting that it will happen.
I had thought I would be through the worst of the treatment by now and on to more of a maintenance dose. Instead I am still recovering from a severe neurotoxic reaction that has left me with a very sensitive and erratic central nervous system. My sweet sweet doctor is trying so many things to help. I do think it is helping, but much slower then I would like.
I have been off my Lyme meds for 11 days. I don't feel like I need a toxic waste hazard sticker on my forehead anymore. I do however feel like a child with a sensory processing disorder. My CNS is just not my friend. Half a bottle of Kava Kava seems to help that but it is not really kind to the liver. My doc gave me more "stuff" to help bind the little toxic bastards and hopefully excrete them. Envisioning a river flushing out this system and allowing the body to heal.
Letting the river flow. One day and time. Actually it is one thing or one moment at time. This is all I can do right now. And, if you see me getting ahead of myself and the subsequent "overwhelm" please remind me. I can't change how behind I am at work or at home. All I can do is one thing at a time. When I start to worry or get nervous the CNS seems to totally short circuit. So, feel free to chant the mantra when you see me getting ahead of myself -- one moment at a time.
One moment at a time does not include the ever present worry about how I will ever get caught up at work or how my body will ever tolerate more of these Lyme meds. One moment at a time is now. Now is what it is. I have to be present or I just loose ability to function. This is a good lesson that we all can learn. I would just prefer to not have such an intense reminder if I don't heed my own advice. One moment at a time. I am thankful that in this moment I was finally able to write again. Now on to the next moment -- time for a shower and some then some chai. Today is about falling into simplicity.
Letting go now so one can flourish later --- that is exactly where I am at. I have been forced to see that I have to surrender to this process and trust that it will be okay in the end. That I will be swimming and even surfing someday. Those goals seem much further away then they once did. Somehow though I have to keep trusting that it will happen.
I had thought I would be through the worst of the treatment by now and on to more of a maintenance dose. Instead I am still recovering from a severe neurotoxic reaction that has left me with a very sensitive and erratic central nervous system. My sweet sweet doctor is trying so many things to help. I do think it is helping, but much slower then I would like.
I have been off my Lyme meds for 11 days. I don't feel like I need a toxic waste hazard sticker on my forehead anymore. I do however feel like a child with a sensory processing disorder. My CNS is just not my friend. Half a bottle of Kava Kava seems to help that but it is not really kind to the liver. My doc gave me more "stuff" to help bind the little toxic bastards and hopefully excrete them. Envisioning a river flushing out this system and allowing the body to heal.
Letting the river flow. One day and time. Actually it is one thing or one moment at time. This is all I can do right now. And, if you see me getting ahead of myself and the subsequent "overwhelm" please remind me. I can't change how behind I am at work or at home. All I can do is one thing at a time. When I start to worry or get nervous the CNS seems to totally short circuit. So, feel free to chant the mantra when you see me getting ahead of myself -- one moment at a time.
One moment at a time does not include the ever present worry about how I will ever get caught up at work or how my body will ever tolerate more of these Lyme meds. One moment at a time is now. Now is what it is. I have to be present or I just loose ability to function. This is a good lesson that we all can learn. I would just prefer to not have such an intense reminder if I don't heed my own advice. One moment at a time. I am thankful that in this moment I was finally able to write again. Now on to the next moment -- time for a shower and some then some chai. Today is about falling into simplicity.
Faith- 10 years from now (or even a year from now) it won't matter ONE BIT how behind at work you are right now. What WILL matter is what you are doing to care for yourself in this moment. Please consider letting go some of the work guilt so YOU can flourish!
ReplyDeleteEvery word you say is very true! Thank you for the reminder :)
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