My inspiring co-worker wrote these words to me today that I find to be filled with meaning. "You have to cross the bridge alone, but you are surrounded." I can see this image so clearly. What is amazing to me is how fuzzy the characters are that are surrounding me. They are there, but almost invisibly. That feels terrifying. There is this pressure to somehow have someone take away the pain, fear and anxiety that come from this stupid, stinkin' neurotoxin being released in my body. And if I they can't take it away, then surely they can understand. There must be something I can say to make them understand.....
But I don't think they can understand. I don't understand. My husband just said, "communication with you is difficult right now." I agree. I can't seem to communicate with this body/mind that feels like it is on it's own crazy journey. It brings up every insecurity and fear I have.
All these fears and insecurities used to have me running for the hills. I can't run anymore even if I tried. Instead I am crossing this bridge, alone and surrounded. I know there is so much support there. I have to remember that. I just don't wanna do this. That's okay too. I don't wanna feel so f-ing sick. That's okay too. I wanna be able to think and talk with some degree of sanity. That's okay too. But, if I get lost I will remember that I am not alone.
When I feel like no one understands me I have to remember that everyone has crossed "their bridge" in one way or another. We all have our intense challenges in life. Some are more private and some more open, but they are there. Somehow we make it.
I will cross this bridge even when I feel alone. It is not as scary as it seems. Why is it not as scary as it seems? Because really the whole universe is there with me, in me. I walk in my glory. I am surrounded.
But I don't think they can understand. I don't understand. My husband just said, "communication with you is difficult right now." I agree. I can't seem to communicate with this body/mind that feels like it is on it's own crazy journey. It brings up every insecurity and fear I have.
All these fears and insecurities used to have me running for the hills. I can't run anymore even if I tried. Instead I am crossing this bridge, alone and surrounded. I know there is so much support there. I have to remember that. I just don't wanna do this. That's okay too. I don't wanna feel so f-ing sick. That's okay too. I wanna be able to think and talk with some degree of sanity. That's okay too. But, if I get lost I will remember that I am not alone.
When I feel like no one understands me I have to remember that everyone has crossed "their bridge" in one way or another. We all have our intense challenges in life. Some are more private and some more open, but they are there. Somehow we make it.
I will cross this bridge even when I feel alone. It is not as scary as it seems. Why is it not as scary as it seems? Because really the whole universe is there with me, in me. I walk in my glory. I am surrounded.
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