I'm out of gas tonight. The internal tank feels empty. Truthfully it has been empty for days but I have kept pushing because there didn't seem to be any opportunity to take the day off. The result --- utter collapse today. Interacting with other humans (and even animals) has not gone so well. I have been hurt or offended or hurt/offended others since my head left the pillow. When it seemed like there was no way I could stop yelling (or crying), somehow I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept going (until the next meltdown).
All this is a bit disheartening. I should probably lighten it up with a little dark humor. Here are a few of my favorite quotes today. This was my explanation for not bringing kale to my supportive co-workers, "Sorry I didn't cut down my kale trees for you today. I was busy having a nervous breakdown." My doctor explaining how I get more oxygen to the tissues and make the little lymies not want to be there, "There is a protocol that involves wearing oxygen while jumping on a trampoline." My calm response as a glared at him..."I'm not ready for that." His response, "Saunas are fine too." Excellent.
I know being positive is the way to be. I am just plain out of positive. I am left with whatever seems to fall out of the mouth. Darkly sarcastic seems to be the best of the barrel -- hysteria being the not-so-desirable choice.
I am ready for a shift again yet it just seems out of reach. I know I need to focus on the moment and pray to a higher power for help. My response to that is some not so polite hand gestures that have seen the light of day on occasion today.
Get a grip Faith. That is my prayer tonight.
All this is a bit disheartening. I should probably lighten it up with a little dark humor. Here are a few of my favorite quotes today. This was my explanation for not bringing kale to my supportive co-workers, "Sorry I didn't cut down my kale trees for you today. I was busy having a nervous breakdown." My doctor explaining how I get more oxygen to the tissues and make the little lymies not want to be there, "There is a protocol that involves wearing oxygen while jumping on a trampoline." My calm response as a glared at him..."I'm not ready for that." His response, "Saunas are fine too." Excellent.
I know being positive is the way to be. I am just plain out of positive. I am left with whatever seems to fall out of the mouth. Darkly sarcastic seems to be the best of the barrel -- hysteria being the not-so-desirable choice.
I am ready for a shift again yet it just seems out of reach. I know I need to focus on the moment and pray to a higher power for help. My response to that is some not so polite hand gestures that have seen the light of day on occasion today.
Get a grip Faith. That is my prayer tonight.
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