Tonight I want to thank the dear little lymies.
Thank you dear little lymies for showing me that I have to learn to listen to my body or else the consequences are massive. This means getting enough sleep, exercise, saunas/hot tubs, supplements, medicines, meals (on time -- 8, 1, 6), managing stress, etc.
Thank you dear little lymies for showing me that I must stay in the present moment. Since the central nervous system is vital for everything and it is completely erratic at the moment, I can't plan for the next hour let alone the next day.
Thank you dear little lymies for showing me how much fear is there about not being in control. I must trust that all that is needed will be taken care of. I have to let go. I love all the sayings around this depending on the tradition. Two of my current favorites that have the same message, "Let the universe provide," or "Let Jesus take the wheel." I am smiling just typing that :) As my spiritual teacher keeps saying to me, "It's time to drop the doer-ship." Again, giggling, I think to myself...I better get out of the driver seat before I crash the car.
I think I need to elaborate on this control concept a little more. Control = safety for me. That concept has been there since I was small. I know intellectually that this is a false sense of control and safety. I thought I had a handle on this. My dear little lymies have thankfully shown me otherwise. I can't control my body, my ability to parent or be a wife or a kennel owner, my ability to work, how and at what rate I will beat this disease, what the outcome will be or even my ability to function at all. I can't control anything because there is really no need to control. Life is and will be beautiful without this white knuckle grip I have had on the need to "be in control. "
I said to my friend today, "I feel like I am walking naked. It is just me and the sky." It is like I am reliving my childhood and becoming a monk at the same time.
This feeling of having to reach out and accept help is intense. Help with cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, running errands, the kennel, etc. I must be open to the idea that what is needed will happen even if I am unable to "do it." I must let go of the penchant for guilt --- about everything. I must be okay with the idea that I may make a mistake or miss a deadline. I must be with myself, be quiet and listen. I must be happy and content with what is.
Tonight I was reading a book that I friend gifted with me. So much of what is said in "Succulent Wild Women," by SARK resonates for me in so many ways. This one line though is really pertinent for what I am writing about tonight and a clear opportunity to let go of a very old pattern. She says, "I am often seduced by struggle. It is as though it is painful to feel too good. I am used to the effort and sometimes confused by the joy." This is a sentence that clearly shines the light on a habit that must go.
Thank you dear little lymies for showing me that I can be, and that actually I am a Succulent Wild Woman right now. This includes all of my perceived imperfections and flaws. This includes all of me. It is time to drop the old patterns that are no longer are needed. It is time to be alive and open. It is also time to allow you to leave dear little lymies. You are no longer needed. Thank you though for all that you have taught and continue to teach me. Long may I listen.
Thank you dear little lymies for showing me that I have to learn to listen to my body or else the consequences are massive. This means getting enough sleep, exercise, saunas/hot tubs, supplements, medicines, meals (on time -- 8, 1, 6), managing stress, etc.
Thank you dear little lymies for showing me that I must stay in the present moment. Since the central nervous system is vital for everything and it is completely erratic at the moment, I can't plan for the next hour let alone the next day.
Thank you dear little lymies for showing me how much fear is there about not being in control. I must trust that all that is needed will be taken care of. I have to let go. I love all the sayings around this depending on the tradition. Two of my current favorites that have the same message, "Let the universe provide," or "Let Jesus take the wheel." I am smiling just typing that :) As my spiritual teacher keeps saying to me, "It's time to drop the doer-ship." Again, giggling, I think to myself...I better get out of the driver seat before I crash the car.
I think I need to elaborate on this control concept a little more. Control = safety for me. That concept has been there since I was small. I know intellectually that this is a false sense of control and safety. I thought I had a handle on this. My dear little lymies have thankfully shown me otherwise. I can't control my body, my ability to parent or be a wife or a kennel owner, my ability to work, how and at what rate I will beat this disease, what the outcome will be or even my ability to function at all. I can't control anything because there is really no need to control. Life is and will be beautiful without this white knuckle grip I have had on the need to "be in control. "
I said to my friend today, "I feel like I am walking naked. It is just me and the sky." It is like I am reliving my childhood and becoming a monk at the same time.
This feeling of having to reach out and accept help is intense. Help with cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, running errands, the kennel, etc. I must be open to the idea that what is needed will happen even if I am unable to "do it." I must let go of the penchant for guilt --- about everything. I must be okay with the idea that I may make a mistake or miss a deadline. I must be with myself, be quiet and listen. I must be happy and content with what is.
Tonight I was reading a book that I friend gifted with me. So much of what is said in "Succulent Wild Women," by SARK resonates for me in so many ways. This one line though is really pertinent for what I am writing about tonight and a clear opportunity to let go of a very old pattern. She says, "I am often seduced by struggle. It is as though it is painful to feel too good. I am used to the effort and sometimes confused by the joy." This is a sentence that clearly shines the light on a habit that must go.
Thank you dear little lymies for showing me that I can be, and that actually I am a Succulent Wild Woman right now. This includes all of my perceived imperfections and flaws. This includes all of me. It is time to drop the old patterns that are no longer are needed. It is time to be alive and open. It is also time to allow you to leave dear little lymies. You are no longer needed. Thank you though for all that you have taught and continue to teach me. Long may I listen.
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