I have reached an interesting point in my journey through illness. I think, on some level, I am learning to live in the present and accept what is. Releasing the pattern of mourning about the past or worrying about the future is a new dynamic. Making plans and being practical feels entirely different. Fear is dropping away to make room for moments of success, joy and relaxation.
I am about to leave for a two week healing retreat. I will turn 39 while there. A birthday in silence to reflect on the true meaning of this body walking around on this earth for some time. My family obligations and duties at my business and workplace will be left behind. No computer or telephone access. No problem solving, mediating or disciplining (I have a teenage daughter). Two weeks of being with myself and letting go of whatever is blocked in the body and resistant to healing.
The timing is perfect, since I seem to have an autoimmune issue in which the body is attacking itself causing swelling in my brain. The image of a mushy, angry, inflamed noggin is exactly how it feels. It is time to call a cease fire and lay down the weapons that are aimed at my head because frankly I am sick of it. Really sick of it.
That said, I am learning how to live in this body with all it's ailments, pain and unpredictability. Learning to not be afraid to turn the page in the book that is my life not knowing what will happen in the next chapter. This is progress.
I am about to leave for a two week healing retreat. I will turn 39 while there. A birthday in silence to reflect on the true meaning of this body walking around on this earth for some time. My family obligations and duties at my business and workplace will be left behind. No computer or telephone access. No problem solving, mediating or disciplining (I have a teenage daughter). Two weeks of being with myself and letting go of whatever is blocked in the body and resistant to healing.
The timing is perfect, since I seem to have an autoimmune issue in which the body is attacking itself causing swelling in my brain. The image of a mushy, angry, inflamed noggin is exactly how it feels. It is time to call a cease fire and lay down the weapons that are aimed at my head because frankly I am sick of it. Really sick of it.
That said, I am learning how to live in this body with all it's ailments, pain and unpredictability. Learning to not be afraid to turn the page in the book that is my life not knowing what will happen in the next chapter. This is progress.
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