Some days the pain is so bad that all I can do is writhe in the bed, cry and pray for some relief or that I will somehow pass out and wake up in a little less pain. If you asked me at one of those times what this pain and illness has taught me I would either completely ignore you or possibly launch something at your head. That said, when I get a little perspective - either from a reduction in pain or these days, it is more likely that I am doped up on pain medication - I can see that the opportunities for seeing the lessons in illness are infinite. My spiritual teacher recently offered the idea that maybe my husbands GI bleed and needing a blood transfusion were an opportunity to let go and to try looking at the world with fresh eyes. What if this is true? What if, living in immense pain is an opportunity to see that I am so much more, so much greater than this pain? What if, this is the way that I will learn to not identify so much with the body-mind-sense complex, and see that I am really this limitless, beautiful being that is unaffected by pain? Intellectually I can see this so clearly. When I am writhing in pain, feeling as if I am passing a kidney stone in my head, it is a bit more difficult. But, I can see the importance in looking deeper into what the message may indeed be. I know that "medicine" many years ago, especially in indigenous tribes, was more about finding the lessons and going with that flow, than finding the perfect treatment. The flow doesn't always feel good or go remotely as we would like it to, but I believe the flow is that perfection, call it God or Ishvara or the Universe or whatever you may, but it is something that is all pervasive and beautiful. I am given the opportunity every day to remember that I am not just this body, but something much greater. Now, that is something to be grateful for.
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