I hate you Lyme

I have been looking for the "right" words to write in a blog post for days but they haven't come. How do I describe the pain and frustration that I am feeling? It has felt impossible. Almost 17 years of illness and a year since this major relapse and subsequent diagnosis. I thought I would be on the road to recovery by now. I had no idea how slow and incredibly painful this process would be. I am grateful for all that I have learned and the beautiful support systems that have developed along the way. But, what I really am is PISSED OFF. I want to be done with this f-ing disease. I want to be done now.

Yesterday a fellow Lymie posted this in a group. I love it so much I have read it a dozen times. She perfectly articulated what I have been unable to say. So, here goes:

“I feel like going on a rant. And you, my lucky friends, get to be my audience. I am tired of fighting every day. I am sick of the fact that tiny little invaders are in my body altering every possible system. I tired of taking antibiotics, probiotics, herbal supplements, detoxing treatments and watching every single thing I put into my mouth cuz, it may interact w/ all the previous things or feed the little f-ing 'critters' that have forever changed my life. My world revolves around Lyme. Not my family, the way it should be, but this f-ing disease. I hate Lyme and all associated co-infections. I do not use the word 'hate' lightly. I use 'f%&k' a whole hellava lot more because I feel hate is too strong of a word to use casually. I hate you Lyme. I f-ing hate you. There, I feel better now. Thanks for listening.”

~written by another brave and frustrated woman fighting late stage Lyme