It's time to write again. I wish I knew what to say. I usually have an idea or some thread to start with. I rarely begin to write until the thread is there. Tonight is different. The desire for this rather odd cathartic activity is present without the thread of inspiration. Maybe the thread of inspiration will come or maybe I will be able to process some of the rumblings in my head without any witty statement or metaphor to pull it all together. I think the chances of some lightening striking my head and something cohesive coming together are pretty slim.
Maybe not. I may have just been struck. Beside me is my teenage daughter. She has spent part of her day (that didn't involve texting, KIKing, FaceTime, Facebook, YouTube, email, Instagram, iTunes, Netflix or Hulu) drawing an amazing picture of an elf fairy walking down a path surrounded by darkness. Held in her hand is this beautiful bright sun. Aha...there is my inspiration. Thank you teenage daughter!
Okay, now back to the point (that is, if I can remember what it was). Hmmm. Oh yes, brightness being present within a sea of darkness. That is the best way to describe the last few weeks. I feel as if I have been immersed in this very dark, unknown, painful and scary illness. I have been off antimicrobial treatment (a.k.a. meds that kill the little $%^&$ bacteria) for over 2 months waiting to get strong enough to restart again. I am resting, detoxing, resting and more resting (and more detoxing). Also awaiting some strange and expensive IV therapy to arrive from Switzerland that will hopefully add an armor of protection around my cells so they don't get so affected from treatment like last time. Not working much and falling deeper into a financial hole. No more gift cards or house cleaners or meal fairies (so grateful for when I had them though). Now it is just me and my life. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Inhale and exhale. Listen to the body. Be patient. Do what needs to be done with the family and keep laughing whenever I can. Headache is there all the time again along with her friends sore throat and back pain (and exhaustion of course). At least the sensory processing issues and all the other myriad of neurological problems have improved. Oh no --- I'm getting sucked into the boring details of Lyme again. I must extract myself. Just a minute.
Okay, I'm back again. Light being present in the midst of murkiness. That is what I am focusing on now. I must catch hold of the light and see it present at all times, even when I feel as if I can't see anything. I am not just holding the light. I am the light. It's so easy to just see the darkness when surrounded by sickness and a sea of unknown. Thank you again teenage daughter for showing me the light!
Maybe not. I may have just been struck. Beside me is my teenage daughter. She has spent part of her day (that didn't involve texting, KIKing, FaceTime, Facebook, YouTube, email, Instagram, iTunes, Netflix or Hulu) drawing an amazing picture of an elf fairy walking down a path surrounded by darkness. Held in her hand is this beautiful bright sun. Aha...there is my inspiration. Thank you teenage daughter!
Okay, now back to the point (that is, if I can remember what it was). Hmmm. Oh yes, brightness being present within a sea of darkness. That is the best way to describe the last few weeks. I feel as if I have been immersed in this very dark, unknown, painful and scary illness. I have been off antimicrobial treatment (a.k.a. meds that kill the little $%^&$ bacteria) for over 2 months waiting to get strong enough to restart again. I am resting, detoxing, resting and more resting (and more detoxing). Also awaiting some strange and expensive IV therapy to arrive from Switzerland that will hopefully add an armor of protection around my cells so they don't get so affected from treatment like last time. Not working much and falling deeper into a financial hole. No more gift cards or house cleaners or meal fairies (so grateful for when I had them though). Now it is just me and my life. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Inhale and exhale. Listen to the body. Be patient. Do what needs to be done with the family and keep laughing whenever I can. Headache is there all the time again along with her friends sore throat and back pain (and exhaustion of course). At least the sensory processing issues and all the other myriad of neurological problems have improved. Oh no --- I'm getting sucked into the boring details of Lyme again. I must extract myself. Just a minute.
Okay, I'm back again. Light being present in the midst of murkiness. That is what I am focusing on now. I must catch hold of the light and see it present at all times, even when I feel as if I can't see anything. I am not just holding the light. I am the light. It's so easy to just see the darkness when surrounded by sickness and a sea of unknown. Thank you again teenage daughter for showing me the light!
awesomeness!
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