The pain in my hands is beyond excruciating tonight. The headache waxes and wanes. The anxiety for no apparent reason seems to be building again. Feeling nauseous and restless. Took a Epsom salt bath for the fist time in over a month. Hoping it helps with the pain and doesn't cause any herxing/die-off symptoms. Next IV treatment that may help these symptoms isn't until Tuesday. Wondering what tomorrow holds while attempting to stay present and breathe. Staying in the present and living minute to minute helps (at least that is what everyone says). It's hard. Tonight is hard. The reality of how difficult this healing process is, is setting in tonight. The reality that it gets much worse before it gets better and it can take years is setting in. It's really a hard lump to swallow.
Another breath.
I am thankful for so many steps forward this last week. The smallest accomplishments seem so huge these days. Really noticing all the little flickers of progress seem to help. But yet in the moment I feel sick...really sick and alone. I feel like this disease has enveloped by life much more then I ever imagined. Being this sick for this long is lonely. Really feeling the isolation and loneliness tonight.
Digging deep and breathing. Trust. This too shall pass.
Another breath.
I am thankful for so many steps forward this last week. The smallest accomplishments seem so huge these days. Really noticing all the little flickers of progress seem to help. But yet in the moment I feel sick...really sick and alone. I feel like this disease has enveloped by life much more then I ever imagined. Being this sick for this long is lonely. Really feeling the isolation and loneliness tonight.
Digging deep and breathing. Trust. This too shall pass.
Even though your hands hurt, I hope you won't stop reaching out with them. Sending you love. (And I would love to bring you a proper dinner next week.)
ReplyDeleteThanks Holly! Food is always welcome, but your company is even better! xoxo
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