Flexibility and fluidity have never been my strengths. I want firmness. I want to know what has happened, is happening and is about to happen.
I haven't had a crushing headache for a little while and I wanted it to stay that way. I was feeling stronger and happy about my little accomplishments. I wanted that theme to continue into today. Today was a day with no commitments, sunshine and even some energy. That was the plan for today. Get the house cleaned, have free time to pamper myself and then have a date with my husband.
I spent time in the garden. The house did get clean thanks to the help of my wonderful teenage daughter. (Never mind that I have to pay her for her cleaning services) I went for a walk around the block with the dog (first time around the block in as long as I can remember). I had a yummy lunch outside. I laid in the hammock with the kitty feeling the warm sunshine on my face. But since then I have been laying in bed zoning out of re-runs because I have a mind-blowing headache. Just the pressure of my feet touching the ground is too much. It is to be expected I guess. I increased my dose of medication last night. I had been getting sick when I did this over the last month.
(Here comes the "but" and the anger.) But, this didn't happen last week when I increased my dose. This isn't supposed to happen anymore. I am suppose to have a day of feeling good and enjoying my day off -- right?
"Okay Faith....get a grip. You have a choice. You have laid in bed so your head didn't feel like it was going to explode. You are bored now and getting out the baseball bat to bloody yourself. This is not a good decision. You said the bat was retired. Get up and go check on the diabetic cat in the kennel that isn't eating, do your evening prayers and do something special for yourself in the last hour of the evening. You have a sauna and hot tub. Use it!"
Hmmm. It sounds like I should listen to that little voice. She sounded pretty powerful.
It is okay that there was a blip today. It was still a good day. Just cause' the f-ing headache returned today doesn't mean it won't leave. This is no step backward. The body is still healing. I need to just go with the flow.
I guess I can choose to go with the flow or I can kick and scream and be taken downstream anyway. I think I will choose the flow. Time to get up. I'll fake it and make it if I have to.
I haven't had a crushing headache for a little while and I wanted it to stay that way. I was feeling stronger and happy about my little accomplishments. I wanted that theme to continue into today. Today was a day with no commitments, sunshine and even some energy. That was the plan for today. Get the house cleaned, have free time to pamper myself and then have a date with my husband.
I spent time in the garden. The house did get clean thanks to the help of my wonderful teenage daughter. (Never mind that I have to pay her for her cleaning services) I went for a walk around the block with the dog (first time around the block in as long as I can remember). I had a yummy lunch outside. I laid in the hammock with the kitty feeling the warm sunshine on my face. But since then I have been laying in bed zoning out of re-runs because I have a mind-blowing headache. Just the pressure of my feet touching the ground is too much. It is to be expected I guess. I increased my dose of medication last night. I had been getting sick when I did this over the last month.
(Here comes the "but" and the anger.) But, this didn't happen last week when I increased my dose. This isn't supposed to happen anymore. I am suppose to have a day of feeling good and enjoying my day off -- right?
"Okay Faith....get a grip. You have a choice. You have laid in bed so your head didn't feel like it was going to explode. You are bored now and getting out the baseball bat to bloody yourself. This is not a good decision. You said the bat was retired. Get up and go check on the diabetic cat in the kennel that isn't eating, do your evening prayers and do something special for yourself in the last hour of the evening. You have a sauna and hot tub. Use it!"
Hmmm. It sounds like I should listen to that little voice. She sounded pretty powerful.
It is okay that there was a blip today. It was still a good day. Just cause' the f-ing headache returned today doesn't mean it won't leave. This is no step backward. The body is still healing. I need to just go with the flow.
I guess I can choose to go with the flow or I can kick and scream and be taken downstream anyway. I think I will choose the flow. Time to get up. I'll fake it and make it if I have to.
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