Learning to listen

Listening to music is simple. Choosing not to listen when someone is talking and you don't want to hear what they have to say, also simple. But having to listen to your body and know what it is trying to tell you, not simple. The messages seem cryptic and confusing with hidden paths and potholes.

When living with illness, the balance between being functional and completely crashing is so delicate. One is always picking and choosing, weighing all options and trying to discern who is talking. Is it that inner knowing that says to rest or even to get up? Or is it that desire that really wants to be fulfilled but would be detrimental to that ever-so-delicate balance you are trying to maintain?

I gotta say I am getting weary from trying to figure out who is talking. And, unfortunately, the consequences are so high why I don't hear what is really being said. Thankfully, tonight the voice of reason screamed loud enough (multiple times) and somehow I resisted going on a walk (three times) when really I was too tired to do so. Bummer. It was pretty outside, the air smelled nice and I am blessed to not be suffering with allergies. But, I listened. It will be nice tomorrow and hopefully the fatigue will have lessened enough that I can get out and enjoy the beauty.

And tomorrow, yet again, I will need to unclog my ears and listen. Really listen.